Your priorities.

I'm now sitting in the office beside a sleeping feverish boy. It's 10.27am on a friday morning. Both his parents are unable to pick him up. His grandma is probably going to come at 1pm to fetch him. I'm sponging him every few minutes to make his temperate go down but he cries every time. Poor boy has a fever of 39°C and can't sleep well because of it.  

 *Sometimes I wonder what will happen when I have my own kids. Anyway, the boy woke up crying for his parents. He might not be the child closest to me, but he always makes me smile. If I happen to be in his class he will always come up to me and ask if I'm happy, angry or sad that day. He will keep asking until I said, "I'm happy", and he will reply, "I love you, Teacher Angie". :) 

He just woke up crying again and asked to be carried. I carried him and pat him to sleep with a cold towel on his forehead. Let's just hope his grandma will come soon to bring him to a doctor. Hopefully he will feel better after taking some medicine and a good rest.* 

I know everyone have different priorities. Maybe you can't step away from the office because your job is too important to you. Everything else will have to wait, family, leisure, health even. Maybe you will give up your entire career that you have worked so hard to build up over the years, because you just had a baby. You want to give all the attention you can to your child, to be a good parent, to be there with them each step of the way. Maybe you would choose a career path that nobody would, out of interest and passion. Even if it might not yield you as much money, power or fame.  

At the end of the day, isn't what makes you happiest the priority? At least, I think that's the case. If choosing work over family doesn't make you happy, why do it? Why choose a career that you know you will dread waking up every morning, drag yourself into an office that feels like hell. 

As of now, I really can't tell what my priorities are, or should be. I have so much on my plate and I wish I can have the time and ability to achieve all of them. To me, what makes me happy and feel good about myself is really of utmost importance. 

So tell me, what are your priorities? 

Written on 17th October 2014.

With Love,

Angela

Comeback.

Too long since the last post, years even. 

I miss writing. I miss being able to pen down my thoughts. I wouldn't say I'm a good writer. Not even an interesting writer. Haha. Still, I do enjoy writing occasionally. Hopefully this time I'm blogging for long. 

So much has happened since. So much and so long ago that I can't remember them all. It's too painful to recall anyway. People close to me will know this, I remember things, many things and rather clearly. If I forget some things, that's saying something. I'm usually positive, if I do say so myself. To get me down, and this far down, is really not easy. 

Leaving that behind. I don't want to start blogging on such a negative note. :D So, expect some posts coming up. Be it just my thoughts, work related stuff or what I did over the weekends, let's just hope I can keep them coming. 

Stay tuned! 

Written on 4th October 2014. 

With Love,

Angela

Not until we are lost, do we begin to understand ourselves. -Henry David Thoreau

Hi there.

I know it's been a long long time since I updated this refuge of mine. I had been reading my past blog posts and I realised how much had changed. Things haven't been the most smooth sailing around here. I really just need to rant. I know since I haven't updated in so long, nobody is probably going to read this. So this is me, thinking aloud.

I paused for 2 minutes, I don't even know where to start.

I can't even remember when my life starts spiralling out of control in my own hands. So many times I stop and think, this is not who I want to be. I miss being myself. I miss knowing who I am. I miss knowing what kind of person I want to be.

I want my control back.

Nowadays, I can't even look at myself and things around me without shedding a tear. I know, I know, people who are close to me are going to say crying isn't a big deal for me. I cry really easily, even over the littlest of things. But this is different. It really hurts so much, I choose to bury it away. So much so I choose to not even think of it. People say out of sight, out of mind, right? But how long do I want to keep running away? Everything is a wreck.

I want to be contented again, just like I used to.

Since I can ever remember, I've put everyone's feelings over my own. I do what I can to please everyone, even if I don't feel up to it. Tell me, is it because I have done so much, I'm too tired. Or because no one is worth it any more. Things have changed, even with the people around me. I'm not sure if I'm the one who've changed or them.

I know I've said this a million times, it's becoming my slogan now. "Many years later when you look back at this, it will all seem like nothing." But time has not passed yet, I still feel very affected.

I don't want to feel so alone, so lost, so depressed.

One last thing, I've been missing my Granny so much lately. It would be great if she's still around. She is the strongest women I know and she is someone I know dearly that I can always rely on. I miss her, so much. Though, I lost her when I was really young, I can vividly remember the times we spent together. After all, she practically took care of me for my entire childhood. Now I can't even think of her without feeling empty, so empty.

I can't bring myself to visit her. It hurts too much.

I miss you so much, see you someday in heaven. ♥

With Love, 

Angela Giselle