Out of control.

Nobody will ever know how emotional I can get. Umm, maybe until this post.

I can hide my emotions pretty well. At least I think so myself. If I purposely do not want you to know that I'm unhappy, you probably won't notice at all.

I realise that people around me like to come to me for advise. I don't think I'm good enough but they seem to always come back. On the other hand, I'm horrible at telling myself. If only I could convince myself that some things are out of my control.

But today. Something unbelievable happened. Crying is not a rare thing for me, just to clarify. I cry so easily. I wonder if I will ever run out of tears. Exaggerating, I know. Hah. But it's just so frequent. I also used to think I'm a pessimist. But now that I'm older and seen more people. I think I'm could definitely be an optimist. But I cry so often that it's ironic.

I was on the phone with someone that mattered a lot to me. I was walking around the mall while talking. When I hung up the phone I realised my tears rolling down my cheek without me knowing. It just struck me, like I've never been the nice person I thought I was. Or I just wasn't good enough, like I failed the people who care about me. This never ever happened before. I never let myself be vulnerable while others are around. I'm always conscious of how I look, what others think of me. So much so I think it's too tiring.

So tell me, what does it take to feel better and be better?

This post is just everywhere. I might take this down. I hope you guys are doing well, wherever you are, whatever is happening in your life. Let's hope things will be good and get better.

Your priorities.

I'm now sitting in the office beside a sleeping feverish boy. It's 10.27am on a friday morning. Both his parents are unable to pick him up. His grandma is probably going to come at 1pm to fetch him. I'm sponging him every few minutes to make his temperate go down but he cries every time. Poor boy has a fever of 39°C and can't sleep well because of it.  

 *Sometimes I wonder what will happen when I have my own kids. Anyway, the boy woke up crying for his parents. He might not be the child closest to me, but he always makes me smile. If I happen to be in his class he will always come up to me and ask if I'm happy, angry or sad that day. He will keep asking until I said, "I'm happy", and he will reply, "I love you, Teacher Angie". :) 

He just woke up crying again and asked to be carried. I carried him and pat him to sleep with a cold towel on his forehead. Let's just hope his grandma will come soon to bring him to a doctor. Hopefully he will feel better after taking some medicine and a good rest.* 

I know everyone have different priorities. Maybe you can't step away from the office because your job is too important to you. Everything else will have to wait, family, leisure, health even. Maybe you will give up your entire career that you have worked so hard to build up over the years, because you just had a baby. You want to give all the attention you can to your child, to be a good parent, to be there with them each step of the way. Maybe you would choose a career path that nobody would, out of interest and passion. Even if it might not yield you as much money, power or fame.  

At the end of the day, isn't what makes you happiest the priority? At least, I think that's the case. If choosing work over family doesn't make you happy, why do it? Why choose a career that you know you will dread waking up every morning, drag yourself into an office that feels like hell. 

As of now, I really can't tell what my priorities are, or should be. I have so much on my plate and I wish I can have the time and ability to achieve all of them. To me, what makes me happy and feel good about myself is really of utmost importance. 

So tell me, what are your priorities? 

Written on 17th October 2014.

With Love,

Angela

Comeback.

Too long since the last post, years even. 

I miss writing. I miss being able to pen down my thoughts. I wouldn't say I'm a good writer. Not even an interesting writer. Haha. Still, I do enjoy writing occasionally. Hopefully this time I'm blogging for long. 

So much has happened since. So much and so long ago that I can't remember them all. It's too painful to recall anyway. People close to me will know this, I remember things, many things and rather clearly. If I forget some things, that's saying something. I'm usually positive, if I do say so myself. To get me down, and this far down, is really not easy. 

Leaving that behind. I don't want to start blogging on such a negative note. :D So, expect some posts coming up. Be it just my thoughts, work related stuff or what I did over the weekends, let's just hope I can keep them coming. 

Stay tuned! 

Written on 4th October 2014. 

With Love,

Angela

Not until we are lost, do we begin to understand ourselves. -Henry David Thoreau

Hi there.

I know it's been a long long time since I updated this refuge of mine. I had been reading my past blog posts and I realised how much had changed. Things haven't been the most smooth sailing around here. I really just need to rant. I know since I haven't updated in so long, nobody is probably going to read this. So this is me, thinking aloud.

I paused for 2 minutes, I don't even know where to start.

I can't even remember when my life starts spiralling out of control in my own hands. So many times I stop and think, this is not who I want to be. I miss being myself. I miss knowing who I am. I miss knowing what kind of person I want to be.

I want my control back.

Nowadays, I can't even look at myself and things around me without shedding a tear. I know, I know, people who are close to me are going to say crying isn't a big deal for me. I cry really easily, even over the littlest of things. But this is different. It really hurts so much, I choose to bury it away. So much so I choose to not even think of it. People say out of sight, out of mind, right? But how long do I want to keep running away? Everything is a wreck.

I want to be contented again, just like I used to.

Since I can ever remember, I've put everyone's feelings over my own. I do what I can to please everyone, even if I don't feel up to it. Tell me, is it because I have done so much, I'm too tired. Or because no one is worth it any more. Things have changed, even with the people around me. I'm not sure if I'm the one who've changed or them.

I know I've said this a million times, it's becoming my slogan now. "Many years later when you look back at this, it will all seem like nothing." But time has not passed yet, I still feel very affected.

I don't want to feel so alone, so lost, so depressed.

One last thing, I've been missing my Granny so much lately. It would be great if she's still around. She is the strongest women I know and she is someone I know dearly that I can always rely on. I miss her, so much. Though, I lost her when I was really young, I can vividly remember the times we spent together. After all, she practically took care of me for my entire childhood. Now I can't even think of her without feeling empty, so empty.

I can't bring myself to visit her. It hurts too much.

I miss you so much, see you someday in heaven. ♥

With Love, 

Angela Giselle

Farm Trip with the Girls!

Hey there!

Sorry for the long hiatus. 

I was gonna blog a long and photo-filled post today... but blogger failed me. :(

My photo quota is full! This is so crazy! I don't remember having this problem before. I think I will upgrade it. It's too troublesome to create another account and export all my posts. I cannot afford that kind of time too. 

So 3 photos for now. Haha. I had an enjoyable time with the girls. And you guessed it, we camwhored the whole time!

It was a great trip I think, except me and Jacq being mosquito food the whole day. 

It was nice being away from the hustle and bustle of the city. No high rise buildings, just a few cars, a bit of noise and a lot of nature. :) 

We went to...

 Hay Dairies!

and Bollywood Veggies!

I'll upload more and blog in detail next time! :)

With Love, 

Angela Giselle

Up Up and Away!

 Hi guys!

I just want to say that I am now totally in love with Hot Air Balloons! 

They are so beautiful!

Colourful balloons that bring up into the sky and flow with the wind.

Come on! What's there not to love! 

Show you guys some photos!

 Are they not gorgeous?!

This is one of my favourite photos of it. :)

And how cute are these bumble bee balloons!

I really want to go to Cappadocia, Turkey one day! 

To wake up at 4am, get on a Hot Air balloon and get high up in the sky to watch the Sunrise!

It will be so awesome!

I will fulfil my dreams! 

♥♥♥

With Love, 

Angela Giselle

Gardens by the Bay and Honey Brother's birthday! (26th Sep 2012)

Hello people!

I know I'm lagging behind for my Hong Kong and Macau trip.. again. :/ Just give me some time, or look at the photos on Facebook first. I promise I will get to it soon!

I will blog about my recent trip to Gardens by the Bay and celebration for Honey's brother first. :)

Gardens by the Bay has got to be one of my favourite places in Singapore! If it weren't so far from my house, I'd probably go there everyday. Haha! I love that Singapore built this place for us city dwellers to go and enjoy some nature. Although I can't stand insects and I mean ALL insects, I still love the place because it's so out-of-this-world beautiful and relaxing. And Honey got us the Annual passes! Gives me more reason to go there often. Hehe!

 Preparing to leave the house! 

 I love this flower! So pretty, though I don't know its name. 

There were lots of caterpillars crawling on the floor! 

About 20 or more! Not counting those that are dead or stepped on by people walking around. :(

Honey took a photo of me looking petrified! I should post that here when he uploads his photos. 

I just want to leave this spot!

*Editted: My super timid look.

There were really a lot of caterpillars crawling around!
Gave me goosebumps! :/

Honey made me continue to pose for the camera.
Boo, I'm good at acting.

I cannot stand it any longer so we ran away.
Hahaha!

Yay! I'm so happy! 

We took the photos at the counter and they printed it on the cards.

Took less than 3 minutes? So cool! 

 Thank you, my love! 

 Went up the skywalk agin! 

The staff said we were VIP because we used the Annual pass. It's like an all access pass. LOL.

The first time I went was so scary! It was dark and windy. 

I cried a little 'cause I'm timid like that. :(

This time I am no longer scared! Because it's in the day, it's not crowded with people and the staff told me it's only 3 storeys tall. WTH.. I live higher than the 3rd floor.  

 I love the view up here. ^^

 Hello! My personal photographer. ^^

Haha! His expression when I asked why his eyes so small in the previous photo! 

 Already so dark when we went into the Flower Dome.

 Some company's Gala dinner.

 Huge Orchids! Bigger than my hands.

Then we went to meet Honey's dad and brother for dinner at Suntec City! 

Crystal Jade Kitchen!

The food was delicious! Yum!

We then went home for cake cutting! I'll put photos up again when Honey uploads. :)
*Photos are up!

That's the end of my day! 

With Love,

Angela Giselle