Nobody will ever know how emotional I can get. Umm, maybe until this post.
I can hide my emotions pretty well. At least I think so myself. If I purposely do not want you to know that I'm unhappy, you probably won't notice at all.
I realise that people around me like to come to me for advise. I don't think I'm good enough but they seem to always come back. On the other hand, I'm horrible at telling myself. If only I could convince myself that some things are out of my control.
But today. Something unbelievable happened. Crying is not a rare thing for me, just to clarify. I cry so easily. I wonder if I will ever run out of tears. Exaggerating, I know. Hah. But it's just so frequent. I also used to think I'm a pessimist. But now that I'm older and seen more people. I think I'm could definitely be an optimist. But I cry so often that it's ironic.
I was on the phone with someone that mattered a lot to me. I was walking around the mall while talking. When I hung up the phone I realised my tears rolling down my cheek without me knowing. It just struck me, like I've never been the nice person I thought I was. Or I just wasn't good enough, like I failed the people who care about me. This never ever happened before. I never let myself be vulnerable while others are around. I'm always conscious of how I look, what others think of me. So much so I think it's too tiring.
So tell me, what does it take to feel better and be better?
This post is just everywhere. I might take this down. I hope you guys are doing well, wherever you are, whatever is happening in your life. Let's hope things will be good and get better.
