Out of control.

Nobody will ever know how emotional I can get. Umm, maybe until this post.

I can hide my emotions pretty well. At least I think so myself. If I purposely do not want you to know that I'm unhappy, you probably won't notice at all.

I realise that people around me like to come to me for advise. I don't think I'm good enough but they seem to always come back. On the other hand, I'm horrible at telling myself. If only I could convince myself that some things are out of my control.

But today. Something unbelievable happened. Crying is not a rare thing for me, just to clarify. I cry so easily. I wonder if I will ever run out of tears. Exaggerating, I know. Hah. But it's just so frequent. I also used to think I'm a pessimist. But now that I'm older and seen more people. I think I'm could definitely be an optimist. But I cry so often that it's ironic.

I was on the phone with someone that mattered a lot to me. I was walking around the mall while talking. When I hung up the phone I realised my tears rolling down my cheek without me knowing. It just struck me, like I've never been the nice person I thought I was. Or I just wasn't good enough, like I failed the people who care about me. This never ever happened before. I never let myself be vulnerable while others are around. I'm always conscious of how I look, what others think of me. So much so I think it's too tiring.

So tell me, what does it take to feel better and be better?

This post is just everywhere. I might take this down. I hope you guys are doing well, wherever you are, whatever is happening in your life. Let's hope things will be good and get better.

Your priorities.

I'm now sitting in the office beside a sleeping feverish boy. It's 10.27am on a friday morning. Both his parents are unable to pick him up. His grandma is probably going to come at 1pm to fetch him. I'm sponging him every few minutes to make his temperate go down but he cries every time. Poor boy has a fever of 39°C and can't sleep well because of it.  

 *Sometimes I wonder what will happen when I have my own kids. Anyway, the boy woke up crying for his parents. He might not be the child closest to me, but he always makes me smile. If I happen to be in his class he will always come up to me and ask if I'm happy, angry or sad that day. He will keep asking until I said, "I'm happy", and he will reply, "I love you, Teacher Angie". :) 

He just woke up crying again and asked to be carried. I carried him and pat him to sleep with a cold towel on his forehead. Let's just hope his grandma will come soon to bring him to a doctor. Hopefully he will feel better after taking some medicine and a good rest.* 

I know everyone have different priorities. Maybe you can't step away from the office because your job is too important to you. Everything else will have to wait, family, leisure, health even. Maybe you will give up your entire career that you have worked so hard to build up over the years, because you just had a baby. You want to give all the attention you can to your child, to be a good parent, to be there with them each step of the way. Maybe you would choose a career path that nobody would, out of interest and passion. Even if it might not yield you as much money, power or fame.  

At the end of the day, isn't what makes you happiest the priority? At least, I think that's the case. If choosing work over family doesn't make you happy, why do it? Why choose a career that you know you will dread waking up every morning, drag yourself into an office that feels like hell. 

As of now, I really can't tell what my priorities are, or should be. I have so much on my plate and I wish I can have the time and ability to achieve all of them. To me, what makes me happy and feel good about myself is really of utmost importance. 

So tell me, what are your priorities? 

Written on 17th October 2014.

With Love,

Angela

Comeback.

Too long since the last post, years even. 

I miss writing. I miss being able to pen down my thoughts. I wouldn't say I'm a good writer. Not even an interesting writer. Haha. Still, I do enjoy writing occasionally. Hopefully this time I'm blogging for long. 

So much has happened since. So much and so long ago that I can't remember them all. It's too painful to recall anyway. People close to me will know this, I remember things, many things and rather clearly. If I forget some things, that's saying something. I'm usually positive, if I do say so myself. To get me down, and this far down, is really not easy. 

Leaving that behind. I don't want to start blogging on such a negative note. :D So, expect some posts coming up. Be it just my thoughts, work related stuff or what I did over the weekends, let's just hope I can keep them coming. 

Stay tuned! 

Written on 4th October 2014. 

With Love,

Angela